It Doesn't Always Make Sense

There are times, out of some desperation, when I try to rationalize things that disturb me - well, feelings, mostly, because other things usually do not need rationalization when they are already rational - and most of the time, I will manage to but it doesn't make me feel better. Knowing something is right does not mean feeling it as well. That's just a rather unfortunate side of it.

But let's get real. It does not always make sense, especially when you talk about feelings. Or it might make perfect sense to me, and not to others. Like when my dear friend confided to me about her problems, I understood it perfectly - why she did certain things, and I know that I would do the same it it were me. But some other people might think it unreasonable and irrational. It's a matter of perspective, I guess, putting one into another's shoes.

Yes, it does not always make sense. There are times when I want to reduce emotional decision into simple cost-benefit analysis, being a fan of economics. But reaching a logical decision does not mean that I would like to do it, not at all. That desire - to keep or not to keep, to wait or not to wait, to be with or not be with - does not always make sense. It's ultimately our irrational feelings that get in the way of our rationality.

Is that counter-evolutionary? Or it's just the way humans are wired? Brilliance of logical arguments aside, I can never get round to ignore my own feelings - as much as I would love to sometimes. In the end they still control my every action, every turn I take in the crossroad. Sometimes I feel stupid afterwards, sometimes I am thankful. It's almost like a fifty-fifty probability, I cannot really say what's best.

But I can say that endorsing my feelings make me happier. Getting into a logical decision almost never make me really happy. I'm fine with it, but it doesn't make me happy. But when it comes to feelings, it either destroys you or make you. Such amazing little thing, it is. To throw you down in the dumps one second and send you to the seventh heaven in another.

Well, considering that argument, probably my own feeling is more of a jerk than anybody else in my life. And let's face another unfortunate thing : we're probably always a little in love, if not completely in love, with jerks, aren't we.