Talk Over a Cup of Coffee

That would be great, right? But no, no cup of coffee, nobody to talk it over with either. Just me, and a stack of homework, readings, books, and stationery. And of course my loyal laptop who stays with me in sadness and in joy. So far.

This kind of thing should be reserved for some late-night thinking. Darkness fit emo-ness better (haha). But no, it's morning, the sun is shining brightly, and I was progressing well into my reading when I thought about that title and decided I should write. Hell, I hope there will come a day when I suddenly think of a brilliant title and produce as brilliant a book. It sounds a little like magic, right? Or miracle. But anyway.

I've been kinda weak, at least emotionally, lately. Physically... hm, I do take caffeine more often now, thanks to this nudging conscience to wake up during classes. But I think I do sleep enough, eat well, sufficiently dosed with sweets too. Yes.

Back to that emotional weakness. Last night I was feeling so bad I thought I am on the verge of depression and it was getting hard to sleep and I have to admit the thought of just drinking myself to sleep did occur (terrifyingly, yes? Considering it's me). But I laughed it off in my mind, thinking how silly I am to even think about it (it did sound tempting for a while). Well if one thing, it shows how desperate I was. Thankfully - and strangely, too - suddenly calmness swept through me, and I did not just feel it in my mind. I think it was not a result of my suggestion whatsoever (believe me I was too distracted to think myself into being calm). My whole body actually felt it - the palpitation stopped, my ears were cooling, I could breathe slowly, and drifted myself to sleep. It's such a bless - or else I was gonna stay awake all night, I think, not being able to cry or vent. It was so terrible.

Honestly, I don't know why I felt as such. Of course, there's this one thing.... but I should be stronger than that, much stronger even. So I don't really know why, or how, I actually felt that way. All I know is it was just so terrible I'd probably want to do anything to make it stop. Luckily it did.

The more geeky side of me wants to think that it's some hormonal imbalance (well, speaking from experience, my worst days (excluding those days) were usually result of hormonal imbalance and some indifferent people who I hoped could care more), and that it will all be okay. But unfortunately I don't know. I really really don't know. It's getting to me, and it probably will do bad to others, too. Sigh.

On a much more positive note, I'm crazy about Cosmic Love by Florence + The Machines right now. I first heard it on one Nikita scene, and it was amazing. Simply. And it made me so happy.